Marriage and relationships are the core of our existence. It began a long time ago when God laid the foundations of the earth. I believe these biblical precepts will heal relationships and restore broken homes. The biblical pathway of finding a life partner stipulates, “Is there a recipe or a formula to locate a life partner?”
In the past, the church has been largely confused, just as the world. The Bible describes a wide variety of marriage customs.
Skills and Strategies people used to get married in the Bible
1) Marrying by God’s command
Hosea 1:1-3
Hosea picked out Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, a prostitute, and married her.
2) Winning a Wife Through Service and Kindness
Exodus 2:16-21
Moses found a man with seven daughters, watered their flock, and received a wife without paying a bride price.
3) Marriage Through Kinsman-Redeemer Responsibility
Ruth 4:5-10
Boaz bought from Naomi all the property of Elimelech, Kilion, and Mahlon and acquired Ruth the Moabitess as his wife.
4) Marriage by Capture or Abduction
Judges 21:19-25.
This is what the Benjamite did. While the young women were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off. They returned to their inheritance, rebuilt the towns, and settled in them.
5) Marriage Through Long-Term Labor and Perseverance
Genesis 29:15-30.
Jacob labored 14 years to obtain a wife. After seven years of hard work, he was given the wrong bride. He then had to work seven more years to get the wife he desired. A 14-year effort to obtain a spouse
6) Marriage as a Reward for Heroic Achievement
1 Samual 17:25.
David killed Goliath, got rich, married the king’s daughter, and freed his family from taxation.
7) Marriage Through a Royal Beauty Selection
Esther 2:3-4
King Xerxes was rich enough to organize a beauty contest where all the virgins in the land were brought, and he chose a wife.
8) Marriage Through Taking Another Man’s Wife
2 Samual 11:2-27
David arranged for Uriah’s death and afterward married his wife, Bathsheba.
9) Marriage Through Polygamy
1kings 11:1-3
Solomon had many wives and concubines. According to Scripture, he had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines.
10) Choosing Singleness for God’s Service
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Apostle Paul said, “All these things called ‘marriage’ are a mess. let me serve God only.” So, he refused to get married.
“Will you kill a man’s husband to marry his wife? Or buy a vineyard from a deceased man and marry his wife, or will you organize a beauty contest and the finest becomes your wife, or will you marry one thousand women, or defeat terrorism and ask the government to give the president’s daughter’s hand in marriage to you?”
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9 Pathways of Finding a Life Partner
1) Compatibility is the key to marriage.
The first marriage was inaugurated in Genesis 2:23: “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Eve was made of the same material, substance, ideology, and conviction as Adam. Adam married a woman who was made of the same substance as he was. If the woman were a lion, that substance would not have been compatible, and Adam would not have altered such a statement.
The woman was taken out of him and had the same composition as him: Spiritual composition, psychology, and biological composition. Do not ever marry a partner who does not share the same composition as you
2) A Life Partner Must Be Sought, Not Merely Expected
Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”
The Bible shows us that the process of getting a wife will demand responsibility from the man.
There will be action. It will require the man to take action, as indicated by the word “find.”
It did not say, “Whosoever picks a wife or whosoever prays for a wife to come.” It gives an idea of searching. It gives an idea of desiring.
That means there must be a genuine commitment. The Bible says, “Whosoever finds a wife.” You are not to sit down and expect a lady to come and meet you. Regardless of whether you had a vision or not. There will be an initiation; there will be a step you must take.
3) Walking together through compatibility
Amos 3:3 “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
The key to a successful marriage is not love. Love is not enough to keep a marriage. The word “compatible” measures your degree of spiritual agreeableness and similarities in ideologies about money, life, parenting, visions, and most importantly, about God.
Can two walk together if they are incompatible? It does not matter if you saw the life partner in a vision or in a dream. It does not matter whether you saw yourself wearing a bold tie and she was wearing a white wedding gown; if there is no compatibility, the union cannot endure.
Imagine you find a girl to marry. She prays in tongues, and she believes in the prophetic. But you rebuke her, “What is that! I don’t believe in tongues and the prophetic!” That means you two are not compatible. Or, for instance, she believes in spending on her ego. She would rather let the children starve than not buy the latest wristwatch in town. But you believe in charity instead. At this juncture, there is already visible friction such that marriage should not be considered.
What is your ideology about God? Money, culture? What about ministry? Imagine a man of God who goes to take a bride because she is gorgeous. There are a thousand questions he must ask himself before venturing to marry her. What is her passion for ministry? Otherwise, she will be fine for nothing and destroy the church. She cannot sacrifice; she cannot lay down her life to be the mother figure for the church.
There are two possibilities after marriage. Either you marry and regress, or you progress in your spiritual, financial, or whatever sphere of life. You cannot be in the same spot.
4) Ask Questions and Examine Values Before Marriage
Ask yourself:
- What is his ideology about managing challenges?
- What is her ideology about culture and tradition?
- What is his or her passion concerning ministry and purpose?
Otherwise, you may marry a man who professes to be a Christian. Yet after the wedding, he brings the tail of an antelope or some other object into the house and hangs it on the wall. When you question him about it, he replies, “I know I am a Christian, but this belonged to my great-grandfather. It is part of our culture, and everyone in our family keeps it. If you do not understand, leave it there.”
Then, to your surprise, he begins to perform rituals or make incantations over it every morning. At that moment, you begin to realize that you may have married the wrong person—but by then, it is too late.
Perhaps you married him because he was wealthy, but your values, beliefs, and convictions were never aligned. Money blinded you to important differences, and you walked straight into a situation that could have been avoided had you asked the right questions beforehand.
Even if you never saw one vision, even if you never heard anybody’s name in a dream, by the time you find a lady or a man who is compatible in ideology, you will possibly have an exceptional marriage.
That is why unbelievers have successful marriages; they were compatible before they got married. Meanwhile, Christians’ marriages are suffering because they think being born again will solve incompatibility issues.
The Bible says it is better to sit on the roof of your house than to be with a contentious and angry woman.
If you know where God is taking you, but you go and carry a lazy woman who cries over anything, the two of you are born again, but that family is on its way to failure.
Don’t unnecessarily spiritualize everything and say, “I know my God is able. I know this girl, she prays very well.” Well said, “she prays very well.” Do you love praying and fasting as she does?
The moment you start a relationship, part of the man’s responsibility is to take the lady to church, wherever your primary place of spiritual feeding is. If a guy in Koinonia Church asks a lady out in Koinonia Church, the probability of having an exceptional marriage is above 90% because their ideologies are similar. They hear the same messages, and they believe the same philosophies.
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5) God gives a wife and a husband.
Proverbs 19:14 “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
You can inherit houses and riches, but when it has to do with a life partner, you must involve God. If you ignore God, or if you throw God out of the equation, marriage will become a snare to you.
Many people are careless about God and plan their marital affairs without Him. They enter into a relationship, and when they are ready to tie the knot, they sneak into God’s presence and say, “God, I hereby introduce my life partner.” God never says no to such. He would say, “You choose it, go ahead.” By the time marriage begins to suffer a crash, they turn to God and say, “God, where are you?” Of course, God will respond. He is always ready to respond. But God would not say, “Go divorce her.” You made a mistake, and you alone have to live with it.
A prudent wife, and by extension, a prudent man, is from the Lord. You cannot use your eyes to decipher whether, in ten years, he will still be faithful. Men can change. By the time you met him, he didn’t have any money, and you didn’t know what his tendencies were.
You cannot judge a lady’s beauty and physique and consider her as a wife. Because of her beauty, you begin to instruct God on what to do. A prudent wife is from the Lord, so involve God.
6) Depending on God’s Direction.
Isaiah 30:21 “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”
In other words, expect the leadership of the Holy Spirit in helping you choose a life partner. The Bible gives you a guarantee that you will hear a voice leading you. The Bible says, “My sheep hear my voice.”
7) The Cost Dimension of Marriage.
Luke 14:28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?”
Many people intend to build a marital tower but will not sit down and count the cost. Am I ready to pay the school fees for the children? Am I ready to be responsible for a woman and a family? Am I ready to live with one woman all the days of my life, and am I ready to be faithful to one man and submit to him all the days of my life? Am I ready to grow old with this woman? Am I ready to protect her? Am I ready to die for my family?
No matter what vision you see, God will not count the cost for you. God can show you that she is your wife, but if you don’t count the cost, your marriage will still fail.
The prophetic is not the doctrine or the primary channel through which God reveals a life partner. God can indeed reveal a life partner. There are two places in scripture where God is directly involved in bringing revelation and confirmation about a man’s life partner. God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute. But we understand that it was a prophetic message.
Prophets, those people were actors that God would literally use their lives to act out a script to explain the history or harlotry of Israel. God told Hosea to marry Gomer so that with her harlotry, Hosea would feel the pain that God feels when Israel bows down to other gods.
Also, in the book of Matthew, we see Joseph being afraid to marry Mary, who was pregnant before marriage. Joseph wanted to divorce her quietly, and an angel appeared to him and stopped him from taking further action. This was divine confirmation, “don’t be afraid to take Mary as your wife.”
8) Can God Reveal a Life Partner Through Dreams and Visions?
Does God reveal spouses to people? Yes, He does. There are two conditions for that.
Condition One: It is based on your personal degree of intimacy with God and your level of submission to Him.
There is a way you can walk with God and earn certain privileges. On the strength of your intimacy with Him, He knows that whatever choice He makes known to you, you are surrendered enough to say yes to His will.
Based on that, God may guide you through visions, revelations, and prophetic words that help guide your steps.
Condition Two: It is based on the nature and kind of assignment God has given you.
Certain assignments will necessarily involve marrying a particular kind of man or woman. For instance, in ministry, because of the nature of the calling, God may be exceptionally meticulous in directing a person concerning marriage.
As a man or woman of God, because of the nature of your assignment, God may not allow you to marry just anybody. In such cases, divine guidance concerning a spouse can become more pronounced.
Apart from these two instances, marriage in Scripture is generally not presented as merely sitting down and waiting for what people call “God’s timing.”
If God chooses to reveal a life partner, thank God for it. Honor the vision, honor the revelation, but never build your entire life around it.
The Bible teaches us to value God’s Word above every dream, vision, or prophecy. If God confirms His Word through a vision, glory be to God. If things do not happen exactly as shown, continue growing in the knowledge of God and remain anchored in His Word.
If you have a vision concerning a life partner, keep it to yourself and keep moving forward. Whether the vision comes to pass or not, it should not ruin your life.
Prophecies and visions should never be exalted above the written Word. That is a secret to avoiding disappointment and heartbreak.
9) Prepare Yourself Before Seeking a Life Partner
Many people wait indefinitely because they believe marriage is tied to a particular age—22, 30, or 40. That is not necessarily true.
Delay can only be justified when a person is intentionally preparing themselves to become more of a father or mother before entering marriage.
Do not allow anyone to pressure you by saying, “You are already in your thirties; you must marry now.”
As a lady, if you feel you need time to become a better wife and mother before marriage, that is a wise decision. You do not become a father or mother in marriage. You become a father and mother before marriage.
Anyone who has been trained and prepared to function as a husband, wife, father, or mother has opened the door to marriage. Preparation is one of the greatest keys to marital success.
Most people ignore the fact that they are not prepared and rush into marriage because of family pressure, societal expectations, or peer pressure.
The key to your marriage is in your hands. It is not in the hands of a dream, a vision, or a prophet. God has given you the responsibility to prepare yourself.
When your standards become reasonable enough to attract a godly spouse, when you are ready to reject ungodly patterns and family issues that can destroy your future, when you have developed maturity in your finances and personal establishment, and when you are ready to involve God in your life, then you are ready for marriage.
When you become the kind of husband or wife that marriage requires, you have positioned yourself for marriage.
Inspired by Apostle Joshua Selman Sermon
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